You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
