I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
