I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize