my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
