i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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