Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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