We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
