Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
