The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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