ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize