1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
