I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
