I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
