my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
