Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize