Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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