I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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