you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
