i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
