They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
