im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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