let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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