Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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