i don't like sucking hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
