i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
