i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
