is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
