I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
