Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
