On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
