Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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