It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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