no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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