so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
