he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize