In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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