ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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