no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
