Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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