by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
