Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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