The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
