in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
