Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
God I need to hump something, right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
