You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
