his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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