There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
