She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
