thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
