all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize