I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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