How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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