and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
