so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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