I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
