A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
