Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
