So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
