it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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