How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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