She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
