oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
