we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
