Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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