Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
