I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
