I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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