Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
