I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
