Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
