if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
