Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
